(Originally published in 2004)While most people are aware of my love of films, I am even more hardcore toward music. Any kind of music.
I was lucky enough to grow up in a household that was very musically open-minded and that outlook has stayed with me since childhood; I'll try anything once, and some of the things that I've encountered because of that potentially masochistic willingness are truly mind-warping. From Wildman Fischer and the Legendary Stardust Cowboy to Flash Cooney and the Deans of Discipline and the Yeasty Girls, I will listen to absolutely anything and as a result I have amassed a staggeringly varied vinyl and CD collection. Probably the most bizarre vinyl item that I own — next to the excellent Fiddler On the Roof Goes Latin — is Fist Goodbody's Traveling Torture Show, a recording of ambient music for your home S/M sessions presided over by a shirtless, flaming queen in a blonde wig and a feather boa. Side one is simply eerie music to set the mood, but side two is the same as side one, only with the occasional whiplash sound effect and some guy going "Aaaagggh!" in reaction. It's hard to believe that someone would ever relegate such weirdness to the cut-out bin (where I found it for a dollar!), but what do I know?
I'll tell you what I do know: after making my way through countless individual recordings and full-length albums I have narrowed down the top ten albums that I simply could not live without. That was no easy task and after making a list that amounted to about thirty-two all-time favorites I nearly pulled my hair out trying to weed it all down to ten. Here's my list and I hope that it intrigues you enough to check out any of these that are unfamiliar to you. And please feel free to write back with your own list because who knows? I may find something new out of the deal!
DUTY NOW FOR THE FUTURE -DEVO
The first album — Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo
(1978) — is justly recognized as a classic, but it was this second
album that made me a Devo fan for life. Though the songs were deemed not
strong enough for inclusion on the first album, Duty Now For the Future
is rife with excellent minimalist rockers ("Clockout," "Wiggly World,"
"Strange Pursuit," "The Day My Baby Gave Me A Surprise," "Pink
Pussycat") and my vote for the best of many Devo-ized cover versions,
"Secret Agent Man," which has a stompin' bass-heavy live version on the
full-length Devo Live album which has to be heard to be appreciated.
After this came the Freedom of Choice
album, "Whipit" and top 40 fame, so this is really the last of the true
Devo records before the inevitable loss of balls-out strangeness and
creative stagnation slowly eroded much of the band's unique edge. You
may enjoy the first album more, but check out this odd little slice of
pre-MTV major-label-released mutation.THE COMMERCIAL ALBUM -THE RESIDENTS
Sure,
the Residents are a bunch of strange, anonymous, giant-eyeball-visaged
art fucks, but this album can't be beat for sheer rapid-fire "what the
fuck am I listening to?" quality. The title derives from the fact that
each song featured is only one minute long, like the garden variety
television commercial. And there are forty of them, which makes this a
sort of soundtrack to impending madness. Eerie synthesizers creating an
other-dimensional atmosphere, lyrics about being aware of being watched
by a hungry ocean and having one's wife taken through an open doorway to
the afterlife by "the Easter Woman," high-pitched voices drilling the
dangerously infectious tunes into the mind of a mesmerized listener, and
a pervasive sense of sadness and despair all gel to create the perfect
guided tour of an aural asylum.GET HAPPY! -ELVIS COSTELLO AND THE ATTRACTIONS
Often overlooked in favor of his other albums such as Trust, Armed Forces and the inexplicably acclaimed Imperial Bedroom,
this album is the perfect way to introduce the novice to the early
works of the one and only Declan Patrick McManus (that's Elvis Costello
to you). A lively sampler of many musical flavors, the CD version is
much expanded from the original vinyl release and includes thirty
tracks, probably the best known of which is his heart-broken cover of
Sam & Dave's "I Can't Stand Up (For Falling Down)."CITIZEN OF THE WORLD -DIDJWORKS
DON'T BREAK THE OATH -MERCYFUL FATE
This
is without question the finest of the eleventy-jillion Norse Satanic
metal opuses. Fronted by the over-the-top/all-over-the-place vocals of
King Diamond, the musicianship on this is what separates it from the
herd, and it rocks like nothing you ever experienced on AOR radio. Even
if you hate this kind of stuff, please give it a chance because the
music is seriously evocative and — for once in the metal genre — free of
the hot-doggish guitar noodling that is not only irritating in a "look
at me I'm so cool" way, but is also reminiscent of musical masturbation
(are you listening, Yngwie Malmsteen?). No joke, when I bought this
album I listened to it at least three or four times a day for six
months, thereby relegating my soul to Satan.A DATE WITH ELVIS -THE CRAMPS
Sure
the Cramps had already put out a few albums-worth of their unique
sludgy rockabilly/sleazy B-movie musical stylings but those were merely
warmups for this, their masterpiece. Wearing its low-rent '50's rock 'n'
roll influence on its leather-jacketed sleeve, A Date With Elvis is
unpretentious, sex-obsessed (most notably on the track "What's Inside A
Girl?"), completely insane and just as downright fun as a tequilaed-up,
beehive-sporting truckstop waitress named Lurlene. I have had a lifelong
love of obscure old rock that makes one feel like they are
half-whiskeyed-out in a strip joint reeking of stale Marlboro smoke,
spilled beer that has molecularly bonded with the Whorehouse Red shag
carpet, and cheap bus station perfume, and I usually hate the bands who
attempt to emulate that heady mixture, but the Cramps consistently got
it right. You see, they weren't out to merely ape the sound and ambience
of those dank, basement-level artifacts; the Cramps strove to keep the
form alive and brought their own signature outlook to the proceedings,
even when covering something as irredeemably ludicrous as the Spark
Plugs' "Chicken" (Bawk bawk buhk-ACK!) or when transforming the Del
Raney's Umbrellas chestnut "Can Your Hossie Do the Dog?" into the
ultimate anthem to horniness "Can Your Pussy Do the Dog?" They still put
out albums on an irregular basis (the last gap between Cramps albums
amounted to around six years or more) but none have come close to this
one, either before or since.PENTHOUSE AND PAVEMENT -HEAVEN 17
Simply
put: this is the definitive British synth/fag-rock dance album. With
not one bad track on this mother, put it on and you will be shaking your
ass like you're trying to dislodge a jalapeño buttplug. In fact, this
is one of a handful of albums that I discovered because they happened to
be playing it in the record store and I fell instantly in love. Since
first hearing this at Bleeker Bob's in early 1981 I have gone through
three vinyl copies and now own it on CD. It includes such classics as
"(We Don't Need This) Fascist Groove Thang," "Geisha Boys and Temple
Girls," "The Height of the Fighting" and one of my all-time favorite
'80's dance floor classics, "Let's All Make A Bomb," so with a lineup
like that you could be dancing right now instead of reading this!IT'S ALIVE -RAMONES
Recorded
at a live New Year's show in England in the late 1970's, this is a
catalog of pretty much most of the material from the first three Ramones
studio albums, only the versions here have the energy of the boys' live
performances and all of the songs actually rock harder than their
studio counterparts. In short, this is the only Ramones album you really
need.SHEIK YERBOUTI -FRANK ZAPPA
Remember
when Frank Zappa had a minor Top 40 hit in 1979 with "Dancin' Fool?"
Well this is the album that it sprang from and thanks to those pussies
at the FCC none of the other far superior tracks ever made it onto the
airwaves. Sure Frankie was notorious for his irreverent and often
outrageously filthy lyrics, but he and his band were possibly the most
skilled American musicians ever to grace the rock genre. These guys were
so tight that most of the Zappa albums from that time were simply
recordings of their live performances; in fact most of the songs from
the period never had studio versions. Sheik Yerbouti
includes such treasures as Frank's take on Peter Frampton's sappy "I'm
In You," reworked into the far more honest "I Have Been In You,"
"Flakes" (a diatribe against the fucking idiots who infest the world),
"Broken Hearts Are For Assholes" (lessons on how to get over a bad
breakup by frequenting drag queens and getting heavily into homosexual
anal sex and fisting with Crisco), "Bobby Brown" (the heartwarming tale
of one man's instant conversion to anything-goes homosexuality after
having sex with an extremely aggressive dyke named Freddy — yes, I know
that makes no sense but the song is still pretty funny), "Baby Snakes"
and the infamous "Jewish Princess," for which Zappa caught a lot of
heat; it rhapsodizes about the rather explicit pleasures to be had with
Semitic women. Sample lyrics:I want a nasty little Jewish princess
With overworked gums
Who squeaks when she cums!
The controversy over that song was soon eclipsed by the much more vehement reaction to "Catholic Girls" from his next album, the classic Joe's Garage Act 1. I first got my hands on this album when I was in the ninth grade and it is definitely one of the experiences that shaped my mindset from that moment on. Come to think of it, this is the album that really launched my search for quality obscene music (but not the most obscene song ever recorded, which is a matter for another post).
REMAIN IN LIGHT -TALKING HEADS
After
three albums that were good yet screamed "Look at us! We're art
students! Ain't we clever?," the Heads got down to some serious
ass-kicking funk and consequently came up with their best album. Every
track on this owns the listener completely and if you enjoy the classic
"Once In A Lifetime," you will be floored by the rest of the record.
Sadly, nothing they have done since comes close to this one and David
Byrne fully metamorphosed into a whiny, pretentious douchebag.HONORABLE MENTION:
BATMAN-THE VENTURES
The
kings of surf/instrumental rock attempted to cash in on the 1966 Batman
television series craze with this collection of original instrumentals
and covers of spy/adventure TV themes, and while it didn't rake in many
ducats it scores big with folks like me who love good instrumentals.
Their version of the Batman theme is easily the best of many that were
recorded that year, but the real gems here are the original composition
"Hotline" (later well covered by Man...Or Astroman?) and the drop-dead
excellent covers of the themes from Get Smart and The Man From U.N.C.L.E.MACHINE GUN ETIQUETTE, GRAVE DISORDER and THE BEST OF THE DAMNED-THE DAMNED
It
was impossible for me to choose a favorite album by my much-beloved
Damned, but you can't go wrong with these three. The best of compilation
is exactly what it claims to be — with a few notable omissions that
can't be helped since they were recorded after this album was released —
and the two studio albums are hands-down the best overall full-length
records in their catalog (although there is a very good case to be made
in favor of their classic debut album, DAMNED, DAMNED, DAMNED). The only
thing you need to watch out for are the numbers that are pretty much
designed to feature vocalist Dave Vanian's penchant for the over-the-top
theatrical, but hey, everybody's got their own idiosyncracies! As long
as we have "New Rose," "Melody Lee" and the exquisite "Plan 9 Channel 7"
all is right in the world.
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